Almost 8 years.

Talking about my health has been a theme of this blog not just recently but for quiet a while, which is unsurprising. As on Monday (July 2nd) was the 4th anniversary of my first major seizure. And each posting since has basically said how hard its been but that I am getting better.

Sadly I don't think that that's true.  Clearly I'm better than right at the start, well I nearly died so couldn't have got worse or stayed there really. But I'm still at the stage of 'just about managing' day to day life.  I've had to stop the very little amount of work I was doing, because I was simply not up to it.

I am looking for stuff to do on a voluntary bases because, put simply, if on the day I don't feel up to it then I can simple cancel. But not too much has come of these plans yet.  I also have a social worker who along with Emily is helping me out. And I am trying to come to terms with the idea that some (maybe a lot) of the changes in my life are going to be permeant, which I find a depressing thought.

I am still looking for ways to adjust and somethings have changed and are helping but its going to be a very very long process.  A bright spot is my talmud studying with Tina (as mentioned before) and having a second Talmud partner and new (or renewed) friend,  Francesca we also study talmud together (what can I say I love studying talmud) but we also do other stuff, she's one of the few people who can prise me out of my flat. In fact she's accompanying me back home to Stoke on my next visit. (This weekend).

I am really looking forward to that. I am also researching some voluntary work I can do, so I can get back out there, but also cancel at short notice if I'm having a difficult day when it comes to narcolepsy, epilepsy et al. But we'll see how things go.

Its coming up to eight years! since starting at rabbinical school (2923 days-but who's counting).

I think this brings this blog up to date, which isn't that hard because not a lot is changing and changes that are happening are happening really very slowly.

Again not all that much has altered since my last post.  I am still at home and still recovering, albeit that I am so so much improved on where I was.  So much so that I am planning my first real thing 'back' which is a trip to Newcastle-upon-Tyne to lead a Friday evening and a Saturday morning Service. I will admit to being actually really really nervous about the whole thing, which I guess is unsurprising as it is my first thing back.
Other than that I have written and handed in one of my last essays, so only one more to go.  As well as my MA thesis, which the college has kindly enough permitted me to put off until after ordination. I am continuing to work with my therapist on all the stuff that has surfaced after what has happened to me, and although its all getting much more manageable, now that I know that its there I feel as if I should do something about it.  In a not unrelated note I am back on Jdate, and actually talking to people this time. So there's a thing.
Rebecca has had her second baby and he is I have to say really really cute.  But then as a proud uncle I would think that wouldn't I.
I am also still waiting on the post because I have two things coming, one is a copy of the Limmud Chrevaruta booklet which I am keen to see and the other is a story book about mental health issues written for children by a friend of mine.
Then after that, and I guess depending on how it goes, i am planning on making a tentative return to college, only a flying visit at the start of February.
So all in things are looking up and I am trying to take away lessons in how to live not putting work commitments first all the time and living.
Anyway I'd better get back to getting ready for my first thing back at work as it were as I want it to go well.

End of 2014

2014 is rapidly drawing to a close and with it my 9th semester as a rabbinic student. Sadly, I can remember very little of 2014. Although all things considered, the fact that I can not remember much of 2014 is a blessing. As it has been largely a depressing and distressing year.  However, I am slowly getting better and although its a slow process I am happy it is happening at all, there was a time when I was very concerned I was not going to be making progress at all.
I am still at home in Newcastle but am working more, indeed people are starting to send me stuff to do and at times I am having to be quiet firm with them this is a skill that I need to work on.  In fact saying 'no' is something that I am working on with my therapist.
I am also enjoying spending more time back home with my family, although I am missing Emily terribly. That said we are in near constant contact, via Facebook or Skype.
I also find that I am still much more easy to distract than before my seizures, but I am hopeful that this too is improving. I have yet another medical assessment coming up which among other things will establish a base line memory line so I can work out how things are actually improving or otherwise rather than working on feelings.
I am continuing to work on one of my essays, and am trying to pin down a date for my senior sermon which is proving a little tricky.
Anyway I am hopping that 2015 will be less 'interesting' than 2014 was. Anyway wishing all my readers a very pleasant new year's eve and a fantastic 2015.

Settling into the 8th semester

I am now settling into my 8th semester. And so far things are going pretty well. I have two academic classes and two vocational and although all four are quiet high work load its nothing I don't think I shall be able to handle.  I am especially enjoying the Talmud and Midrash class.  Although that said all I are interesting. Additional I am auditing a class on service leading skills, which technically is a first year class but I think it will be useful as this is something that I feel i have missed out on rather.

Outside of school my placement is still going well. Although a number to times I have gone all the way down to KLS only for nobody to turn up. This is partly due to the horrible weather we have been having lately.  I am still enjoying the mix of stuff that I have been doing and my number of sessions are ticking over nicely.

My reading classes-To help me with my dyslexia are progressing nicely as well. So all in all things are looking really positive on almost all fronts.

Apart from work work work which sometimes realls pretty relentless not all that much has been happening.  I have agreed to take part in the Limmud Chervauta Project again. For the last time, as next time would take me over into when I am actually a rabbi.

And last week I was photographed as part of an art project looking at people who are training to be religious leaders. (It was quiet exciting and I am looking forward to seeing the results).

Yesterday after getting back from KLS I went out to celebrate Matthew's birthday which was fun.

Today was mainly a working day. Albeit that i did find time for a walk around the local park. Enjoying a sunny day which has been so rare of late. There were lots of trees down because of the recent high winds but not as many as i might have feared and the park was very beautiful in sunshine.

Tomorrow another week starts, which looks set to be busy…well they all look that way now. And then on Wednesday I hit the 500 days to go mark.

End of semester, manchester, Limmud.

I was thinking about where to post this entry. Here or in my other blog. However, I think that the other blog is no more or less defunct so I shall post it to this particular one. Thinking about it I feel that the semester ended with something of whimper rather than with a roar. And I still have assessments to do for it. But my seventh semester at rabbinical school is over. Currently I am in Stoke although only for a single evening.

This morning I went for an NF check up in Manchester, good news I am in excellent health. Better in fact than when I was last seen. Way back when in 2007. But what struck me was how much the hospital has alter. It is almost unrecognisable from what it was last time I was. Very bright very modern.

What I found more alarming was how much the whole area around the university has changed. I wont say that I hardly recognised it, because it was still very clearly my old stomping ground. But considering how much time I spent there over such a long period of time it was really really different and it felt really disconcerting. To be somewhere which was simaltainously utterly familiar and yet very changed. And in the end I no longer felt at home there. Which given how long its been since I went back is hardly surprising.

After this very short visit home I go back to KLS tomorrow to lead a Friday night service then I have one last day to get ready for limmud.

Then on Sunday though Thursday there is Limmud and then I come home for a bit. Probably about a week. Then some concentrated work on assessments and my eighth semester starts.  

All busy is relative

There is a famous Chasidic story. About a man who goes to see his Rebbe because of his troubles. He lived in his one room house with his wive and his children and it was always crowed and nosey. It was always so nosey and there was always so much going on that he found it impossible to conduct his work as a taylor, study of pray.

The Rebbe listens to his tale and then paused for thought before suggesting, 'Why don't you take your dog into the house?'.

The man is baffled, but follows his Rebbe's advice. A week later he goes back to his Rebbe and pours out his heart. 'Rebbe, its even worse now'.  Its crazier than ever and nosier as well.

Again the Rebbe paused, before he suggested, 'Why not bring in your chickens as well'. The man was doubtful but followed the advice.  He moved the chickens into the one roomed house along with his family and their dog.

A week latter he was back with the Rebbe, 'Oh Rabbi he said now its unbearable, the chickens clucking, and the dog barking and my children running around all night because they cannot sleep! I'm at my wits end what shall I do'.

Again the Rabbi pauses for thought and prayer before saying. 'One last try, you have two cows nun?, well move them in as well.

Again the man follows the advice of his rabbi and moves the cows into the room along with the dog the chickens and of course his family.

This time its just two days before the man is back with his Rebbe. The Rebbe takes one look at him and says. 'Alright take out the cows, and the chickens and the dog and then come back in a week.'

Always the dutiful chassid the man followed this advice as well.

The next week when he returned he was all smiles, the small house seemed so quite and there appeared to be so much space.

One moral being its how you look at things that makes all the difference.

I have been going though my diary and looking at what I have on and its a lot.  But because of how insanely busy last year was even though I have assessments, and commitments at KLS and Limmud and all sorts of other stuff. It feels not only manageable but good.

A Busy and a productive day

I don't have anything profound to say today, not that thats unusual. But I am going to try and blog more regularly if I can. Today was a busy one but at least I got a lot done with it.  As normal it started with a morning service, a really enjoyable one as it happens.

Then I had an extended class on Progressive Rabbinic Decision Marking, which too was very interesting. I came back to flat dropped some of Emily and my things off at the laundrette and then went back into college for our afternoon class on Readings in Modern Jewish Thought which as always was excellent.

Then I went and worked in the Library, which was a hive of activity we must be approaching crunch time. :) where i wrote two presentations which are due to be delivered tomorrow.

Then it was home for dinner (a simple cheese omelette) but it tasted great, probably because I was very hungry by that stage. It also held its shape better than most that make.

I was intending to do some more work on my Rabbinic dissertation research proposal, but I think I am going to leave that until tomorrow and try for an early night.

I have made some progress on Limmud, so I am feeling calmer all around.

Tomorrow is set to be a busy day also so a good nights sleep would be a wonderful thing. So here's hoping.

Purim and a very busy week

I am well but a little tired.  On Monday we had a delayed Purim at the college which was fun.  We studied purim 'talmud', and wore fancy-dress costumes.  Tuesday was a fairly normal but quite hard as Tuesdays tend to be because they fun so late and Wednesday was unremarkable as well.  So much so that I cannot remember anything about it really.  Other than that the morning service was led by Jeremy (who is one of our teachers) and he led it as a Sapardi (orthodox) service.  So that was interesting.  

Thursday we (Emily and I) started our Norwood placement which looks as though it is going to be both very well organised and interesting. So that was a bright note.  We then rushed back to the college for one of our sessions with Rabbi Indigo and the very tail end of student society meetings.  

Friday I headed off to Cambridge to view the Geniza fragments with Aiko.  It was fascinating and Aiko is really good fun.  

I then rushed, and rushed is correct term. Back to flat in time to pay our water bill before heading back out to an LJ Roots Friday night service lead be Emily and Benji.  It was really good they used a version of Mishkan T'fillah (which was a sight for sore eyes-although I can hardly believe that I am saying this). Although this did make me a little homesick for Jerusalem and Kol Haneshamah, not to mention all my HUC friends.  

This morning I went off to New North London Synagogue, which I always enjoy and don't get to go enough.  The only other thing that is happing is that we are trying to get our washing machine replaced.  I think that it should be okay but sooner would be better than latter.  

Academically things are still proceeding smoothly, I hope to work on more of my essays that are due in June next week. Even though I have lots of other things on as well :(

So all in all I am busy, very busy, and tired. But am doing well. 

One Hundredth Post

Like the title says this is my one hundredth post in this particular blog. And it only took three years. I can be very lazy about updating sometimes. So instead of my normal short and not all that interesting updates on whats going on with my life. (Normal just school working and training to be a rabbi stuff) I thought that I would post about an interest of mine, anime. Yep I do do some things which are not work related and or highbrow.

But first the normal short post. Basically everything is fine or quite possibly better than fine.  I am finishing the last notes in my last essay and thinking about my presentation and other school stuff so this means I've been watching a lot of Anime a) to keep relaxed but also because procrastination sometimes does kick in.

I got into anime though manga, which is unsurprising but my interest in manga really grew out of my love of Japanese prints which I used to collect (and still would if I had the money).  So here is a list of my favourite ten anime, at least as they stand at the moment.  After listing them I will talk a bit about them so maybe don't read down to far I dont want to spoil them.

10. Chobits
  9. Death note
  8.Spirited away
  7. The cat returns
  6. The girl who leapt though time
  5. Elfen Lied
  4.Lain
  3 Barefoot gen
  2. Little Slugger, and
  1. Wings of Sorrow

I am not really sure what this list says about me, if anything, but I like to say a little about each one and why I like them.  Note spoilers from here on in.

10. Chobits:

So I liked both the Anime and the Manga on this one. The animation is nicely drawn and high quality, even if the facial expressions leave a little to be desired. At fist this may seem like a typical loser has more girls interested in him than is really either credible or possible. With an element of harem anime. However there is more to than that, as this is a re-taleing of Pygmalion this is only to be expected.
Chobits: Clamp 2001-2.

9. Death note.

Fun while I was viewing it, and on the second view not sure I'd watch it all the way though in a single sitting again, do have the energy anymore for a start. The animation is good, not great but certainly better than a lot.
It is the tension and the mind-games between the two central chatterers that really put this here for me. Although I did like the Shinna-gammi.

8. Spirited away.

Don't really need to say a whole lot about this more fantastic work by Studio-gabi. Really great all round. Plot, acting, script and animation. Unlike most things on this list okay for children although that said young children may still find it too scary.

7. The cat returns

Another offering from Studio-Gabi, with all the high quality that you would expect from them. Less scary than spirited away above. But all the more hauntingly beautiful for that. And it has cats, which from my perspective is a definite plus.

6. The girl who leapt though time.

Not sure how this one made the list, and relatively speaking so high-up, nicely acted (I watched the subtitled version) the animation is high quality although not stopping the film to stare good. The music and score are especially powerful and the characters nice and warming to spend time with.  But it was the emotion of the whole that left is mark. I enjoyed the basic idea (the central heroine can jump in time). Just a pleasant way to spend some time. The animation has a gentle dreamlike quality to it.

5. Elfen Lied.

Unbelievably violent, no seriously I lost count of the number of people killed just in first episode. And it is very, very, very graphic. Good things first. The music and the score. This is the best music and score I have ever come across in an anime, wonderful breath-taking. It is also visually stunning, I know I talk about the back-drops a lot but they are one of the things I notice in animations and frankly judge them on, the design of the characters is also really well executed (no pun intended), and it is really emotionally powerful. I cried at times. And dramatic and full of tension.
Not so good things. Its way to violent and sexually expiate even for a horror anime. And although it is emotionally powerful this is because it uses some pretty cheep tricks at times.  I mean if 'love and warmth' were all that it would have taken, then WTF why didn't you just give love and warmth in first place.
That said, I really cared what happened to the characters and when i stumbled across it I ended up watching the whole series in one go and then re-watching it. So must have been doing something right. eh? The central characters are well acted, but minor ones not so much. But this is really a powerful anime, which is beautiful even as people are being ripped to pieces, bloodily. If you can stomach ultra-violance to a degree that would make a droog unhappy, and don't get upset by sexual imagery then this is a good anime to seek out. It has lots to offer, if they do brother you then maybe this one to pass by.


4.Lain serial experiments.

I think that this was the first anime that I could really say I loved. However, it is really odd. Basically this is a thinking manga which takes on big philosophical ideas. I was drawn into the plot, although I am not sure I really understood it all. The artwork is really high quality. Again the details of the back-drops and sets really stand out as worth mentioning. A few moments of violence but the disturbing nature of this anime is really in the ideas it puts in your head. Well worth looking out for.

Lain: Yoshitoshi, not sure when this came out I saw it on DVD in around 2002.


3.Barefoot glen.

Hiroshima though the eyes of one child. About as you would think and then some. The plot is powerful and the images stark yet beautiful.  A real classic. This is defiantly a movie in the full sense of the word although based on an earlier manga.
Barefoot Glen: 1983




2.Little Slugger (or Paranoia's agent).

Interlocking stories about detectives investigating a series of attacks.  Centred around Tsukkio Sagi. But this is so much more than this would suggest, it develops into a tense psychological thriller. Can your Id really kill you?
Contains strong violence and some sex (not all of it pleasant). Not for children. But what really made this for me is the open music and credits. Beautiful and thought provoking at the same time. Visually this anime is treat, especially the city scape back-grounds which I would stop my viewing just to study them.
Paranoia's agent: Satoshi Kon 2005? although I didn't see it till much latter.

1. wings of sorrow.

I really cannot say too much about the plot of this anime without spoiling it. But it is a beautiful drama filled with pathos and sadness yet redemptive at the same time.  The animation is lovely and flowing the characters special. I was totally drawn into its world, which I learnt about along with the main protagonist. The sound track is lovely also.
Be warned not a lot happens just girls with wings and halos, yep I know. Talking and life and the city which they cannot leave with walls they are forbidden to apporach or touch.
Bassed on the Manga by Yoshitoshi Abe 2003? English dub in 2010 (I think)

Well this I think must be my longest post. Back to writing my presentation for class.

2012-2013

There are but a few minutes of 2012 left and I find myself alone and working. Not that this brothers me any. In fact given how I spend a deal of my time it seems most suitable really.  I am back in Stoke and although Rebecca and Said and Aaron were here earlier they have gone now and mum and dad are in bed.  I have been working on my essays all day and have more or less finished the one for psalms. It is about 90% done.  I still have a single paragraph to right and I need to add a fourth appendix and then it is done.
I have been preparing for my essay on the Aleinu-essay. The third essay is in many ways both the most interesting and most difficult it is for history and on the subject of the Kararites.  I have been researching it today. Mainly by reading Kararites websites.  I was surprised a) that there are still Kararites and b) still so much opposition to Pharisaic-Judaism (even using that term says a lot).
Anyway as the fireworks have started I know that it is now 1st of January 2013.
I will probably head off to bed soon so as to be able to work better tomorrow.

Half way point

Today I had my last classes of my fifth semester, which means that I am actually half way though.  I am not sure about wether to laugh or cry about this.  It feels as though it has taken so much just to reach this point in terms of energy/time/money/emotional resources just to reach this point.  And it also feels as though I have been doing it forever.

And I think that, wow, half what does the next half bring. But on the whole I'm pretty happy about it and am enjoying having reached this stage.

It is also exciting because I've grown and changed so much in these past two and half years.  And I think what will the next two and half years bring as I move more and more out of the classroom and into the real rabbinic world.

Today was the last day I visited the particular day care centre I have been working in it has been very interesting but the program still needs working on.  

Academic things are going very smoothly I am happy and although I still have three essays to write (Liturgy, Psalms and History) I am happy with what I am going to do for liturgy and psalms; which is to be based on the presentation I did on psalm 114. I am a little less happy with history albeit that I have selected my title.  The only other thing that is need is a presentation of prophets but that is not scheduled to take place until the 28th of January. 

Emily and I go to Limmud on Sunday, I am very excited about that. It has been too long since I have been able to go so it will be good to see my limmud friends.

I am rather tired. But am generally happy. 

Towards the end of the semester

The title of the post maybe a little premature, there is after all almost a whole month before the semester is actually over, but it feels like the end is coming. I find hard to believe that in a day and four weeks my fifth semester at rabbinical school will be over with.
Not all that much has happened since my last post, I have had lots of class of course, and have continued to work both in the academic and in the non-academic settings in which I find myself.
The classes are still going okay. No problems to report. And I am still enjoying/am finding what I am doing as part of my pastoral program.

I had my meeting with my rabbinic tutor yesterday which was probably the most positive of those that I have had. So all that is good.  The only downside is that we have reached that part of the year when I am tired nearly all the time from when I wake up until the point when I can go back to sleep again, and there is always so much that needs doing. Its stressful and tiring. The are few other things going on in the world/my life which are only adding to the stress levels-but I guess that this is the same for almost everyone at LBC and in all probability for my friends at other rabbinical institutions.

Then of course there has been the whole situation in Israel, which I have of course been following and worrying about, and thinking about all my friends out there. All taken together has made for a difficult few days, but ones if I reflect upon them calmly and rationally it becomes clear that not only are things okay but that everything is going well and all thing is kol b'sader.

-Today in comparative religions class we went to a Hindu temple, which was an interesting trip and the building itself is very beautiful every inch of it is carved, and as someone who used to do cravings I was very very impressed.

Well I had better get on with work

Second Lech Lecha vist

I have just returned from my second lech lecha visit. This time it was to Herefordshire to a small Liberal Community based around the area in the Malven hills.  I wasn't feeling all that well so I found it rather difficult.
My sermon went well, there were challenging points but I was prepared to deal with any possible fallout so that was okay.  The community has a mini-scroll so it made reading rather hard. But all in all I am pleased with how things went.
I am currently very busy with things to do for Monday so will have to go and get on with them soon. I am reading Torah at school on Monday and have a mini-essay to write.

Last week I was very worried for my friends in New York and across the Eastern Seaboard. I have heard from the new and everyone was okay, Laura was safe in Virginia although she was stuck for a few days and unable to get home for a few days.

Now on with the rest of November.

Birthday

Today is was my birthday and although more or it was a normal school day it was fun as well. My classmates brought me in a cake and card which was really nice. And all in all it was an easy enough day.
The cake was a very chocolaty one and the card was really nice so that was fun.

I don't have much work on at the moment so that is peaceful.  I have a few admin type things to do but not all that pressing so I just came home and ate some of the food that Rebecca and Mum sent me for my Bday.

Newcastle holiday

I have just returned from a short family holiday, really no more than a long weekend. But getting any brake at all was great. I took the train up from Kings Cross and got to Newcastle-Upon-Tyne, not the normal one I go too.  That Friday we just had a standard Friday night meal Helen and Andrew and rebecca baby and Said and of course Mum and Dad and me. On Saturday we went to the Baltic art gallery which was really interesting and had some exciting exhibitions. I especially liked Luca (which was a mountain inside a mountain hut.) On Sunday we went to the beach it was sunny, how I missed sunshine.  I made two beach sculpture. I have tried to post photos of them.  Monday we had basically the whole day in town so we went to a really nice art gallery (mre classical this time).  Then it was time to come home I separated from the others at the station, they were going to Stoke and I of course was coming back to London. Today I taught my Bar-mitzvah kid at FPS and then went into school. I got a couple of educational posters. 

This first one is called rainbow stones, not a very imaginative title.

This one doesn't really have a title.

Last time uploading these didn't work that well lets hope that it works this time. :)

New post

I haven't posted to this blog in a very long time so it feels as though I ought to post again. Recently I pasted the 33% stage in my rabbinical training which is both encouraging and scary. I am currently doing my apprenticeship at Finchely Reform Synagogue which is proving an interesting and very positive experience. I have quite a lot of course working hanging over me but I am not too worried about it there is a lot to do but generally speaking everything is going okay.
Passover was fun I went back home and had a pleasent family celebration.

Start of the fourth semester

This is the last weekend before the fourth semester states, wow this is a scary thought. In the end I got all my assessments in. I think that Megilot went well (well it really should have), I also think education went okay (not really sure what was wanted so I wrote what I wanted, which may or may not pay off), then there was History I'm really not sure how well this one went (although I am more or less certain that I passed both the essay and the course), then there is the wild card 'rabbinic philosophy' my essay for this was frankly wired; and it was either brilliant or awful and until I get my marks back I will not know how my tutor felt about it.

I am enjoying my Bar Mitzvah tutoring, but it is a learning process both for my student and for me. I am also enjoying my Sunday school teaching Job-teaching about God; which means writing my own syllabus and of course actually preparing the lessons. I am looking forward, kind of, to the term restarting although considering that the Semester hasn't started yet I am already behind the curve: How is that possible?