Emily's wedding

Its time for another posting.  I do seem to have re-started up dating on this blog.  Between this post and the last one. The High Holy Days have come and gone and so has Emily's wedding. High Holy Days first, this were OK/Good I enjoyed being a congregant at FPS and am now used to the Liberal HHD liturgy so all in all not bad.

I made a brief visit home. And will probably be going again this coming weekend. But the big thing that has happened between this blog entry and its predecessor is Emily and Renee's Wedding which was a lovely day. I conducted it, it was the first wedding I've ever done, I had a co-celebrant which was good because I was very very nervous maybe even more nervous than the brides themselves.

Emily brought me a new suit for the day so I looked very dapper even if I do say so my self.
They put so much thought into the day, which really showed in how unbelievably wonderful the whole day was, the booklets were stunning and the Harry Potter theme worked really really well. (I've kept both the booklet and my wand as a momento of the day.)


 I'm still doing (or more accurately trying to) teach some classes at FPS it was only meant to be three classes but even so health wise I've had to re-schedule a couple of times if I'm just not well enough on the day. Again still talmuding with both Tina and Francesca and that I think brings us up to date.

Another near death experience.

Earlier in this blog I wrote about a near death experience from when I was very sick.

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This happened at about the same time. Again I woke at night and although I was still in the ward, I had a visitor. An old friend, who died a long time ago. She was sitting by my bedside legs tucked underneath herself and reading in a pool of light cast by my bedside lamp. 

It was odd to find a visiter at night (basically unheard of) but as I could tell at once that it was the kind of waking I wasn't going to fall back asleep from a visitor was welcome.

We made polite and friendly conversation for a while. Before she asked 'Adam you do remember I'm dead right?'

To which I replied. 'Yes, [Name] I remember I came to your funeral.  But it seem rude to comment on it and unnecessary. Unless you didn't know in which case I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news'.

Understandably she burst out laughing and said. 'Oh Adam that's the most 'Adam-ish' think you've ever said. You're also taking this very calmly.'

To which I replied, 'Well I'm a little concerned that you've come to escort me to 'the other side, but you'd be a surprising choice. But I think you're probably a manifestation of my unconscious, probably my id. So I am in effect talking to myself'. 

She stopped laughing and said. 'Your id, wow that's rude'. 

After a pause I asked have I caught glimpses of you on earlier occasions? Although nothing as tangible as this?

She responded, 'I have paid the occasional visit, but I can't say if you saw me or not'.

After that she said that I should go back to sleep because I needed my rest. And in the morning when I woke up she'd gone.

As I said when I wrote about my other near-death experience. My memories from this time are very patchy to say the least. Tiny fragments here and there, and I also know from reports that I was hallucinating at this time as well. Interestingly enough I have memories of those hallucinations but try not to 'visit' them to often because they're unpleasant and I don't want to reinforce them.

This experience feels different.

New Flat

As the title suggests I'm in a new flat.  But it has to be the smallest move in history. About 4 feet door to door. I still live at the same address but have moved from flat 3 to flat 2. Like I say one of the smallest moves in history.  But it does bring to close my and Emily being flatmates (albeit that we are now neighbours. Well Two thousand nine hundred and eighty four days (2984) isn't a bad innings (and at least I can stop counting now).  For those who count in 'old money' that's eight years and two months. So not bad at all.

I have just returned from a period back home in Stoke, mum fell and injured her arm while she was down here visiting me so I went back to stoke to help look after her for a bit. But I'm now back.  My High Holy Days tickets have come and once again (for health reasons) I'm just a congruent but in many many ways that's really pleasant.

So apart from that not much is new. Well I guess a new flat is new.

A general update (Friends and Family)

I hope this post will be lighter on medical details than the more recent ones. Basically nothing has changed I'm no better but no worse either. The medical appointments continue and different specialists get added.

I'm still basically not working or rather not working at all. But trying to stay positive and succeeding (some of the time).

Olive (our cat) is a joy albeit sometimes an irritating one, when she wants food or attention but she makes my life so much better.

My thoughts are turning to the HHDs, but as I'm not working I don't have anywhere where I'm leading so will need to sort out some place to go to attend synagogue.

Back in June I had a very pleasant summer holiday with mum in Dunwhich and got to spend a little time with my big sister Rosie which was great because I don't get to see that much of her.

I'm paying more visits back home or at least trying to.

And this weekend just got I got to spend some time with Laura and her husband Stefan when they were visiting London, its wonderful to see Laura and great to meet Stefan who is lovely, witty and charming.

So this is an up-beat post, which makes a change from how this blog has been for the last four years. I'm still struggling health wise but if not getting better I'm not getting any worse. And am coming to accept the new situation.

I'm also continuing to study Talmud both Daf Yomi (and the regular (daily) study is certainly improving my skills) and with my two chevurta: Tina and Francesca.

So all in all. Even if things are still difficult I'm feeling more emotionally okay than I have in a long while.

Almost 8 years.

Talking about my health has been a theme of this blog not just recently but for quiet a while, which is unsurprising. As on Monday (July 2nd) was the 4th anniversary of my first major seizure. And each posting since has basically said how hard its been but that I am getting better.

Sadly I don't think that that's true.  Clearly I'm better than right at the start, well I nearly died so couldn't have got worse or stayed there really. But I'm still at the stage of 'just about managing' day to day life.  I've had to stop the very little amount of work I was doing, because I was simply not up to it.

I am looking for stuff to do on a voluntary bases because, put simply, if on the day I don't feel up to it then I can simple cancel. But not too much has come of these plans yet.  I also have a social worker who along with Emily is helping me out. And I am trying to come to terms with the idea that some (maybe a lot) of the changes in my life are going to be permeant, which I find a depressing thought.

I am still looking for ways to adjust and somethings have changed and are helping but its going to be a very very long process.  A bright spot is my talmud studying with Tina (as mentioned before) and having a second Talmud partner and new (or renewed) friend,  Francesca we also study talmud together (what can I say I love studying talmud) but we also do other stuff, she's one of the few people who can prise me out of my flat. In fact she's accompanying me back home to Stoke on my next visit. (This weekend).

I am really looking forward to that. I am also researching some voluntary work I can do, so I can get back out there, but also cancel at short notice if I'm having a difficult day when it comes to narcolepsy, epilepsy et al. But we'll see how things go.

Its coming up to eight years! since starting at rabbinical school (2923 days-but who's counting).

I think this brings this blog up to date, which isn't that hard because not a lot is changing and changes that are happening are happening really very slowly.

One of my very infrequent updates.

Once again I need to start with an apology about the now very spasmodic nature of my updates over here, and again justify myself by saying that this was indeed a blog about my journey towards ordination, which happened, indeed it happened really a long time ago now.

The theme of the last few years has been characterised by illness my memory problems and adjusting to life with Epilepsy, narcaepsy and other health problems whist trying to actually do some rabbinic work, I am not managing to do all that much but the little I am doing is right right on the edge of what I can manage.

I am now firmly based in London, but with regular trips back to Stoke.  One of the major changes is that in the flat its not just Emily and I anymore as we have been joined by Renee (who is Emily's girl friend they are getting married in about 200 days (194 but then who's counting).

We also have a cat (Olive who is simply lovely)

And is a real source of joy in my life. She is very affectionate and spends a lot of time with me, when otherwise I'd spend a lot of time on my own in the flat. 

I am doing a bit of work, I am part-time rabbi-ing at Hampstead two services a month and adult study once a week. I am enjoying it especially the adult study but it is right on the limits of what I am able to do. My memory which is dreadful, reading back I can see that this is a theme of my posts of since my seizures really isn't getting better. Okay I can just about manage but it really is just about on a more positive not I'm continuing my Skype Talmud study with Tina and have started an additional practice of Skype studying Talmud with a friend, Francesca. Both are very enjoyable and its a good balance because Tina is considerably better at Talmud than I am and I'm better than Francesca (I should be as a rabbi and someone who does a lot of Talmud) but its great because she asks fantastic questions.

I'm also not sure if I mentioned it but Rebecca has had another baby (although he's not a baby anymore) Solomon who's a lovely little kid.

I think that that has probably brought you all up to date with my life. And lets face it not a lot has really changed.