A General up-date on life.

 Rather amazingly I am still in lock-down. It is not quiet as intense as when I last posted (this has only happened in the last two weeks or so) I now see Emily face to face and indeed Reinne (although not as much) but even there we are careful not to come to near to each other and certainly not to make physical contact. And when I get back to my flat I'll use hand sanitiser. 

I have also a made a few and I mean a few trips to the nearest shop-dressed as if I was back in the lab. And they are of course restricting how many people they let in at one time. And all this at a time when the number of Covid-19 cases is relatively low. But it does look as if a second wave is about to start. I sincerely hope I am wrong about that. But wow has this been going on for a long time. 

It also means that I haven't been home, but I continue to Zoom mum everyday so really we are seeing more of each other than we did before but it's not the same. 

Yesterday I had a medical appointment which necessitated one of my rare leavings of the house. My first proper one in ages (literally months) as it turns out they had changed it into a telephone consolation but had failed to tell me, which was rather irksome. So I had a phone consolation sitting in the waiting room. The upshot of which is they are going to try and increase the dosage of one of my drugs (the last one that isn't at it's full dosage already). And see if it helps. I'm also going to have an other MRI to monitor my hpyacampi if they are course of my problems then there isn't much that can be done and I'll just have to learn to live with it. 

So all in all neither a positive or a negative meeting. 

In my real life (if you can put it that way) I've left twitter but much of my life was on-line but twitter was just making me depressed. I've kept in contact with a couple of friends I made there espically with one called Laura. Some Twitter friends are real friends. And I think all in all my descision to leave was the right one for me. 

Panda is now very settled in, and much more demanding which is good. A bit irrating but he's so sweet he can get away with it. Do wish he would pee on the floor so much. 

And already (somehow) the High Holy Days are drawing near.

Well that's brought things up to date. 

New Flat

As the title suggests I'm in a new flat.  But it has to be the smallest move in history. About 4 feet door to door. I still live at the same address but have moved from flat 3 to flat 2. Like I say one of the smallest moves in history.  But it does bring to close my and Emily being flatmates (albeit that we are now neighbours. Well Two thousand nine hundred and eighty four days (2984) isn't a bad innings (and at least I can stop counting now).  For those who count in 'old money' that's eight years and two months. So not bad at all.

I have just returned from a period back home in Stoke, mum fell and injured her arm while she was down here visiting me so I went back to stoke to help look after her for a bit. But I'm now back.  My High Holy Days tickets have come and once again (for health reasons) I'm just a congruent but in many many ways that's really pleasant.

So apart from that not much is new. Well I guess a new flat is new.

A second and much more serious seizure

So times have been a little tough, but for better and or worse I don't actually remember to much about what actually happened. Although I have been able to 'reconstruct' what happened from Facebook, and notes I kept at the time. My last post spoke about a seizure I had back in July and from which I felt and it seemed as if I had bounced back from fairly speedily. However, at the end of August I had a much more serious seizure which resulted in a 16 day stay in hospital (three different ones actually) and I have now been home in Stoke recovering for 16 days as well. I am slowly slowly getting back on my feet but I think its going to be long and slow process, one of months rather than weeks.  There are lots of 'interesting' aftereffects of my second seizure, one is that I am inclined to burst into tears abruptly and for no real reason, although this might be the result of the myriad of different drugs that I am taking at the moment.  My sense of the passing of time is also a bit muddled, so i will zone out and minutes or even hours will pass and I won't notice and it will only seem like a few seconds. Sadly this isn't true when I wake in small hours and can't get back to sleep when time passes so so slowly. On the time front because my second seizure 'deleted' the time between the first one and the second one, and because my 16 days in hospital feel like 5 (I can only actually remember stuff from right at the end) and the 16 days back home also only feel like about a week, my internal clock is telling me its the end of July! And although I know, its actually the end of September, this just doesn't 'feel', right.  Physically I am feeling really really weak, this is what being run down and then over a month of lying down will do to you, I guess.

 I am also being to feel a bit down, something I am keen doesn't get any stronger.
My short term memory is also pretty shot, it is getting better but because I cannot remember how bad it was it doesn't really feel as if it were getting better to me.

On the other hand I am feeling really really loved I received so so many messages of support and comfort in the aftermath of what has happened but I have really been hit for six and it is going to take me a long time to work my way back. College has been amazingly supportive. And Emily was simply amazing. She not only caught what was happening to me from half way around the world, basically she saved my life. (And in true current form I have just burst into tears while typing). She has also been in near constant contact with me and is helping me regain my memories, talking me though our new flat as the picture in my mind that tends to come is of the old flat.

I am trying to find things to be positive about, and one is that yesterday I got to be a congregant at a synagogue for Rosh Hashanah, which is not something which I was expecting to happen anytime soon.

But I am feeling 'stuck' although I know I am not really stuck and that this albeit a setback will in turn pass, and I just need to be a bit more patient. Its just that I am not very good at being patient.

The memory effects are odd, I am getting better at 'getting the right answer to the question' and I know its right it just doesn't 'feel' like it has substance, on the other hand I have 'memories', from a year which is yet to happen and was (in my hallucinations) very strange indeed.

I am trying to stay positive, but at the same time not push myself too hard which would be totally counter-productive I certainly couldn't afford a third major seizure. One method I am using is to look for things I can learn from the experience, of which there are actually quiet a few. Both ones I will be able to use when I am ordained but also more academic things, I am thinking of writing a paper about my experiences when I more fully restored.

And a second as mentioned is the overwhelming amounts of care and love I have been given from my family, hospital staff my friends and colleagues from the present and indeed the past, matthew who was great and got me hospital and Emily who has been wonderful. I am also so grateful for the NHS and the doctors/nurses and other staff who work there.

So in summary it has been a scary time, and emotionally very stressful for me (and of course for those around me especially mum). I am trying to draw lessons from the experience(s) and to cut myself some slack. And most importantly not to get down or depressed because in the end all will be well if I have faith and just let things take their own sweet time. It has also given me an insight, albeit a minor one into what people in the community who are living with long term conditions are going though. Again I always knew, but there is knowing and there is knowing.

This was a rather more dramatic end to my 4th / start of my 5th year than I was expecting (I had felt things were running along quiet smoothly thank you.)

I hope that there won't be such a long gap between post over here on this blog and I also hope that I have less news to report. As I am medically ordered rest for the next few months this seems likely.

So to end on a, slightly, funny note. I have found that shaving and steroid induced tremors do not a happy combination make.

Some Photos from Eastbourne

Here, if I can make it work are some photos from Rosh Hashanah at Eastbourne.

This is just me with Eastbourne's Safer Torah, in its High Holy Day white, its easy to lift and carry but a little difficult to read, although I did a good job.  The real challenge will be on Yom Kippur. 

Sorry about the lighting, we had to draw the curtains because of how bright and hot the sunlight was. 32 degrees. Too hot, to be leading Rosh Hashanah services really. 

Me with mum and dad in the church hall where services were being held.

Now I should go and enjoy the rest of shabbat, and then get on with preparations for Yom Kippur. 

High Holy Days and moving

The preparations for the move continue, world is still in boxes and we are sorting out all the little things that need doing, one by one.  That said we still have a lot to do, I am also busy preparing for the High Holy Days. Looking though the prayer book, writing sermons and study sessions. So far I have finished one sermon. Its printed and ready to go (and I am actually really rather happy with it) I have also almost finished the basic parts of a study session so all in all I am rather happy with how things are going.
Naturally enough my thoughts are also turning towards my 4th year placement, and my 4th year in general which is starting to take shape. Although I would like a more comprehensive view of what it will look like, but as I am occupied with my up coming move and the HHDs it doesn't matter all that much. But I do know I have a class on Megilot (I don't foresee any problems), one on research methods (again been there done that should be fine), and practical rabbinics will focus on death and dying (I have some back ground there as well and feel confident about this course), thats really all I know so far but that is enough.

In terms of my placement I need to do 80 sessions, although a session is broadly defined. I have been in some discussion with Charley about what these might look like and I am really starting to get excited about the prospect.

It has made me think though, when I got to LBC after my year in Israel as a second year I was so convinced that the 4th years really really knew what they were doing and what it was all about, never mind the 5th who were demi-rabbis.

Now I am about to be one, I realise that its not necessarily like that, unless I am massively behind the curve, which I am almost certain I am not, then I really know that as a 4th year (albeit a very very new one) I am still finding my feet and learning.

But it does mean I have responsibilities towards the students in lower years, just as the 4th and 5th years really took me under their wings when I was a second year.

I think that the project I was doing for Limmud is all but wrapped up. I remember of course that those last little bits can take forever.

But all in all things are progressing nicely.
Oh and 688 Days to go.

End of Kol Bo.

Kol Bo has ended and with it my third year, so although not yet a four year I am no longer a third year. But am rather in that wired between space.  Kol Bo was interesting largely on Illistrated Haggadot (The Golden, the Birds Head, and the Rylands).  But we were really looking more generally at what can be learnt about art and the world(s) from which it came simply by looking.
Very interesting but I was very tired during it, just because it comes at the end of a very very long semester.
I have been making good progress with the Limmud Project, although there is still quite a bit to do.  And on Saturday I am off to WCS to lead services, read Torah and to preach. (I always like going to WCLS they are such a lovely community.)

Jobs left over from the 3rd. A) Meeting about JC-Norwood (should get on that one soon), B) Contact RHF (also better sooner rather than latter), C) contact and set up a meeting with RJ (nothing serious so no real pressure there).

Looking forward I need to sort out what is happening with the High Holy Days in more detail and be more pressing on my 4th year placement.

Next week there is the HHD practicum at LBC not sure how much of it I'll be going to although as gabi I'll be going in for services (and will probably go and work in the library there after).  And then that really is it.

I will be very glad to get a brake from college as I really feel that I need it.

Feeling a little bit better

I am gradually decompressing for from the assessment period and indeed from the third year. So feeling both less stressed and more open.  I still don't know how any of them did but am trying not think about it too much.
This weekend I go to Brussels to meet with the community there, this means that I am practicing my Torah reading and writing my D'var Torah.  Latter in June I go to WCS (I am really looking forward to this, they are such a lovely and welcoming community.)
There is of course still Kol Bo to come, and I need to organise a couple of meetings but basically my third year is really done and I have almost caught up on the things I have been meaning to do.  This includes reading for my own interest. Currently I am reading. Jewish Liturgical Reasoning.  by Steven Kepnes (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2007).
And somewhat less heavy weight. Silence. Susan Cain. Looking slightly further forward there is Ordination for the almost rabbis, in July.  And then I shall really need to try and get sorted for the High Holy Days. (Especially as they are so early this year).

Shortly, I need to head off to my clinical-Ophthalmologist, nothing serious just a regular checking up appointment.

So basically I am in one of those in-between times. Relatively uninteresting, but very useful for space and growth. And after all although interesting is interesting it can also be stressful.

Move year markers

Well the year is proceeding though its marks, after Emily's birthday and Yom Hashoah (as mentioned in my last post) after that there was Yom HaZikkeron (not that this was really marked all that much) and Yom Haatzmiut. Emily led a great morning service for the students and in the evening I went to celebration at College, held for about four local synagogues.

I have been working away on assessments.  Although I haven't finished any more assessments I have made good progress on Rabbinic Literature (I am writing about disability and Jewish law: focusing in on the status of the Cherash).

I also feel that Midrash is proceeding okay to the point where I'll be able to start writing soon.  My other two essays (Education and Rambam are somewhat on the back burner for the moment.)

This weekend I was back home in Newcastle-under-Lyme for a flying visit. Partly in order to celebrate Aaron's birthday.

Looking forward next week is shaping up to be rather busy, although exceptionally so.  I am reading Torah on Monday and then there are the normal class with the normal class prep.  In the week after that I have a formal teaching thing on Revelation and then assessments really gear-up.  The date lines are for June 3rd.  But in addition to that I have two presentations: One for Rabbinic literature and one for Midrash.  After the school year is over and after ordination (which takes place in July) I am going to a conference on Synagogue music. A bit surprising for me but i think it should be both interesting and useful. But already I am kind of ready for this year to be over and done with.

Additionally I have turned at least part of my attention the High Holy Days which are ridiculously early this year. And as last year I am involved with the Limmud Chevarurta project.

So long and short I am very busy.

Almost a whole week

I have almost had a full week at school, I know that tis is strange given that we are now in October but with the Holidays and some members of staff keeping two days of Hag. I have not had a full week of school as yet. (Next week is uninterrupted).
This might explain why I am feeling so unstressed. But mainly I think that this is because I am getting more used to this whole being at rabbi school thing. Just as well given how long i've been at it now.
Emily and I had our meeting with Norwood Jewish Care so I am more certain now about how my pastoral placement is going to work.  I am also feeling much more optimistic about the whole thing.
I have not been feeling that great of late, I'm fighting off the post High Holy Days bug, and as normal for me this is showing itself in toothache, which often keeps me from sleeping.  This means I am watching a lot of t.v shows on my laptop in the middle of the night.
Last Friday (so the day before yesterday) I went around to Danny's (he is a fellow rabbinical student) for a Friday Night Dinner.  It was a kind of 'grass-roots-jews' thing and I know a lot of the people who were there. Not that this is surprising because it was a 20-30s thing and most people were liberal-Orthodox, Masorti or conservative-Reform.
The Kabbalat-Shabbat was very Caravach so just my kind of thing. But I started feeling really lousy during it and then had to wait for an hour for the bus so by the time I got home I was feeling really really rubbish.  So basically yesterday I did nothing but lump about in bed and sleep in an attempt to get over it in just one day.  And although I am not feeling amazing today I am feeling much much better. So onward and upward into my first full week at school. Starting on Monday which has been the day heaviest hit by the holidays and an actual placement day on Thursday.

Party and Friday night

Yesterday was great. We had a party here at the flat, in part this was a very belated housewarming Emily and I had intended to have one it just took us a little longer to get properly settled into the flat and it organised than we had thought it. So it was good to do that, but it was also an early birthday party for me. (Organised brilliantly by Emily.)
It was quite small (around 11 guests) but really really enjoyable there were a few people from school. Including some of the new first year students. Some people who Emily knows thought work and I know though Emily and Mandy who is one of my friends though Ammadown. It was really fun and exciting evening with lots of drink and snack type food.  One of my gifts was a really rather pleasant signle malt, so as i had some of that and a couple of Canadian bears I was a little merry but not too drunk.
That said I was too tipsy to attempt to cut the cake, (again a big thanks to Emily) with our flats knives which are huge. But luckily at least one guest was still up to cake cutting. So that was one good thing. I also got to have a lie-in and relatively restful day which is good because we are going to a Young Adults thing organised by LJ, which ought to be fun but I wouldn't have wanted to go very tired.
The other positive thing that has happened is in Daf Yomi we have finished Tractate Barachot, which feels like a big steep.
Nevertheless I found the first week back at school some what challenging. And there is already a lot on my plate. But feeling pretty happy after such a good and upbeat start to the weekend. And I think part of how hard I found the start of school was the lag of the High Holy Days which was really positive but also very tiring.

Wait!, when did that happen.

I am home again on a flying visit, in Newcastle-under-Lyme, and thought it was time again to make a posting here in this blog. So Hi people over here.  I am a third year now. Which is scary, I mean very scary.  Looking back over year two it does feel as if I learnt a lot. Although at times during the year itself it didn't really feel as though I was leaning all that much. But somehow in the end I did.  For example as I was writing my essay for parshanut (classical commentaries on the Biblical text). I found that yes I could read Rashi, and Rashbam, and Radak, Ibn Ezra was a little tougher but even so it was doable.
Also looking forward to the High Holy Days although its still a massive amount of work but it feels so much more realistic than it did last year. Also in myself I feel more assertive and confident. However, I still don't feel as fully formed (rabbinically speaking) as feel I should be/hoped to be by this point. But its probably a exponential process.
I have also been to NewPort and had my assessment, the lady doing it said she had never quite seen a profile like mine (which is at least in part unsurprising but a bit wired nevertheless).  So this is the still before the storm (Yomim norm) and then the 3rd year. The new AGrad.dip and working more in the community.
I have had a chance to catch up with friends. Went out with Matthew and Mandy. We ended up at the same pub where Emily and I ended up at during our not all that successful trip to IKIA.

Back home for a bit.

As the title of this post suggests I am back home for a bit.  But first I went to Manchester to have a meeting with my community for the High Holy Days. I am feeling pretty confident about how this is going to go (much more than I was last year).  But Manchester had changed much more than I would have thought. (Although it has been more than two years ago so I guess I shouldn't be surprised).  I then headed back to Stoke where I am now.
Apart from starting the process of getting ready for the HHDs, I got my results for the second year, which I passed. Overall I was pretty happy with my results. Although it was a somewhat mixed bag.  I am also finding time to do a bit a light reading which is fun and something a really don't get much time for during term time.
I knew that this is a short post but its really only something of an updating one.

New school and Rosh Hashanah

I am now more or less settled into life at LBC although academically speaking this year is much tougher than year one. I am learning Aramaic which is proving really very hard and we have lots of other classes as well because things are much smaller here there is really no where to hide which adds to the stress and strains.

The flat is great I really like it. Although not as much as I liked the one in Jerusalem. I have a placement for the High Holy Days Coventry its really small but a really friendly congregation. So far I have been up there for a Friday night and then for first day RH. I am currently busy working away on Yom kippur: Sermons, service, and Torah readings while trying at the same time to thing about the rest of my school work. Ah well had better go.

Moving forward

Things have been moving along nicely, I guess. I am well towards sorting out a flat to live in in London. My thesis is moving along albeit very slowly. And I am getting sorted out for next year at LBC. I only have last years hand books to go by. So I am not 100% sure that it will be the same this year as last but the courses themselves look okay.
I am also starting to work on High Holy Day stuff. As I now know where my placement is and a basic idea of what will be involved. So am very busy but things are settling into place. Am still missing HUC and Israel like mad.