Last Hanukah my elder sister gave me,
among some other things, a book entitled 'My Grandfather's Blessing'
by Dr Rachel Naomi Remen. I was familiar with the introduction to
this book because it appears as a study text in the MRJ Siddur, (Page 594 Forms of Prayer 2008). I had intended to buy and read the book but had yet to get
around to doing so. So all in all I was very pleased to receive it as
a gift.
I read it fairly quickly and am
currently re-reading it. Understandably much of it focuses on the
effects of medical training and what this means for doctors as
people. However, re-reading it I have been thinking of how some of
it might apply to rabbinical school.
In particular one of the chapters is
called, 'Holding on to the Heart' (pp.109-111)in it she says,
talking about small velvet hearts made, primarily for bereaved
children:
Serval of the students have told me
that they find if they hold their feelie heart while they study, it
relaxes them. But perhaps it does more than this. The first-and
second-year medical students at our school and at every medical
school are remarkable young people, on fire with the spirit of
service. They are people who care deeply and passionately. Research
at medical schools throughout the country shows that often this
passion does not survive the rigours of the training. (My
Grandfather's Blessing Page 111)
I sometimes worry that something along
these lines happens to rabbis and cantors at seminary. The training
is so long (five years like medical school) so demanding that it
takes a terrible physical, emanational and psychological toll. I have
seen the damage done firsthand to my friends at the LBC and at other
rabbinical-training bodies around the world. But it also takes a
spiritual toll.
I sometimes worry that something of
what brought us into this in the first place is lost. As in the
passage quoted above many of my colleagues are remarkable people. We
were nearly all moved by a desire to serve and a love of Judaism and
the process takes a lot out individuals.
In the next paragraph Remen continues:
Sometimes I think of one of those
young people, late at night, struggling to memorize the countless
facts on which the scientific practice of medicine is based and
holding on to a little velvet heart. The image fills me with an
irrational sense of hope. (ibid)
There is no exact parallel between this
and rabbinic training, there is a lot of stuff to learn and memorise.
From dates and biblical geography thought to Hebrew and Aramaic.
However, at least for me, it is not the academics which is the real
'killer', I also find it hard to put my finger on precisely what is
the real 'Killer'.
But there is something and just as
medical schools have worked on their curricula in recent years to
prevent the more depersonalising elements of medical training from
damaging doctors to be, I wish that seminaries would do the same.
That said I do not wish to add to an already overly burdened schedule
and a curriculum that is bursting at the seems. But there needs to be
something, perhaps one of the history course needs to go? Or
something. Facts I can learn for myself.
Repairing damage done by the process is
a lot harder. I now have a personal trainer to try and combat the
physical effects and a therapist to help with the psychological
ramifications. However, this feels a little like surring-up a
seawall which is being undermined valuable but holding where I am,
and I am not sure what to do about the spiritual aspects
Don't get me wrong things aren't as
negative as this post makes them sound. As I said academically things
are going just fine, in many ways better than fine. (Not that I am
all that concerned about my actually academic marks anymore). I also
feel that slowly but surely (actually rather faster than that) I am
gaining and growing in the skills and experience necessary to not
only become a rabbi but to become a really good one.
But maybe it is this skills focus that
is the problem, both in medical schools and in rabbinical school that
results in this decline in the 'internal motivation' for wont of a
better word, of the individual rabbinic and medical student.
I can see its a problem, and from the
rabbinical side I have and continue to experience. But it is one that
I do not know what to do about.
Now for a more mundane update. I have
now officially passed all my assessments and examinations which I
guess means I am officially a 5th year, well I am a 5th
year but it is taking some getting used too.
I am still recuperating after last
month's seizure which means I have been taking things easy back home
in Stoke. And enjoying the hot sunny weather.
Today I went back to Menorah for a
service, for the first time in years. It was really lovely to see and
talk with so many old friends. It was actually Haim Shalom's last
service as well as a special celebration for Jack Z., who is going to
be 90 on Wednesday.
I now know that my 5th Year placement will be Newcastle-Upon-Tyne and I have my first proper meeting with them next week. I am excited and am looking forward to it.
This has been a very long post compared
to my usual short and infrequent posts. I will try and post something
again before too long.
