A Second Strange dream from my time in hospital.

I posted sometime ago about a near death experience I had and a second one (or maybe that one is better described as a dream) this is also a very vivid dream dating from the time when I was very sick in hospital way back in 2014. 

In this dream I was trying to catch a bus, and was running to making it, it was touch and go. Just as I was drawing level and the bus was starting to move off but there was still a good chance that I'd make it I noticed that it was full of people I know manly from school but also from elsewhere who had died. So a bus of the dead. Noticing this brought me up short and I stopped chasing after the bus and it went off without me. And that's about it.

Right now nothing much is happen thanks to Covid. I Zoom with mum every day. And last week I taught a class back at Menorah. 

Birthday and Other celebrations.

 My actual birthday was on the 10th it's now the 12th and I had lots of lovely messages from friends and family all across the world. Opened my gifts whilst Zooming with family back in Keele Road. And also had a nice long phone call with cousin Oli and uncle Harold. Harold is doing pretty well all things considered. 

Latter had a birthday dinner around at Emily's with Emily and Renee whilst we watched funny documentries.  And while I opened my gifts from them 

On the 11th I had a Zoom picnic with Mandy and Sam, which was a great deal of funny they where together and I was there via Zoom and we spent time together in a park. 

Latter on had another celebration with Emily and Renee and Matt (Remotely).  

So all in all my birthday was a great deal of fun, amazingly so given all that is going on in the world. Not sure I'm going to talk about that given the continuing disasters of Trump, Covid-19, and Brexit.  I haven't been able to go back home to Stoke in months and even though I Zoom home every day it isn't the same. 

On an entirely different note, I think I have decided or at least all but decided to undertake a PhD, which given how the last one went is pretty amazing. (But I'm not going to do anything hasty-well I never do, do I).

Panda is still bring me joy. Albeit that he is at times a very naughty cat. 

I continue to do my study with Tina and with Francesca. So not much has change really. Largely thanks to Covid.

The Lamps are going out.

On the 3rd of August 1914 Edward Grey the then British Forgine Secartry remarked to a friend. "The lamps are going out all over Europe, we shall not see them lit again in our life-time"

This time, more than a century latter they are not going out all over Europe, indeed the EU is a shinning light of liberalism and Democracy in the encroaching darkness of totalitarian and indeed potential fascism (and believe me I do not use that word lightly). Here in the UK in the wake of Brexit the government is taking the opportunity to seize for itself unprecedented powers, which run counter to our (sadly) unwritten constitution. The situation here is dire indeed, however when one looks across the Atlantic Ocean it pales in significance. Nevertheless what is happening here in the United Kingdom is deeply significant and very important (it's ironic that we are called The 'United' Kingdom as we have never been less united in modern times). 

However moving on. I had the good fortune to spend a year of my life living in the US, I spent 4th grade in at a school out there (so I was 10/11). Even at that age we were taught about The Constitution, of which US citizens are rightly prude. The separation of powers between the Executive, the legislative and the judiciary.  Under the Trump Regime, and I use the term ('Regime deliberately rather than administration).

He talks openly about fixing the Supreme Court, of running for more than two terms and just yesterday (of there not being a peaceful transition of power of not accepting the result of the election.). 

Here to Brexit (whatever one feels of felt about leaving the EU) it is now clear it is being used to roll back on our most liberties. We (The UK) are in a dangerous place. 

However America is in far worse one. A president who has said he won't go whatever the result of the election, armed supporters who will back him. The Republicans in both the Senate and House unprepared to stop. And with him having stated that he is intent of 'fixing' the Supreme Court. 

Briefly pulling back. If you look at the Permanent Members of the UN Security Council:China, France, Great Britain, Russia, and The USA. 

The less said about Chain and Russia the better, but they never pretended to be democracies. (albeit it's worth remember that China has actual concentration camps for its Muslim minorities right now). The USA has crossed the Rubicon from a (badly) flawed democracy into a Proto-dictatorship (again I don't make these accusations lightly), France at least is doing OK (please not that it's a member of the EU). 

In both the UK and the US ambitious and inept men have either destroyed or nearly destroyed our democracies added by cheerleaders in the press and their respective parties who put power above principle. 

This is rather different from my normal posts hopefully normal services will be resumed soon.

Hatimah Tovah. 

A General up-date on life.

 Rather amazingly I am still in lock-down. It is not quiet as intense as when I last posted (this has only happened in the last two weeks or so) I now see Emily face to face and indeed Reinne (although not as much) but even there we are careful not to come to near to each other and certainly not to make physical contact. And when I get back to my flat I'll use hand sanitiser. 

I have also a made a few and I mean a few trips to the nearest shop-dressed as if I was back in the lab. And they are of course restricting how many people they let in at one time. And all this at a time when the number of Covid-19 cases is relatively low. But it does look as if a second wave is about to start. I sincerely hope I am wrong about that. But wow has this been going on for a long time. 

It also means that I haven't been home, but I continue to Zoom mum everyday so really we are seeing more of each other than we did before but it's not the same. 

Yesterday I had a medical appointment which necessitated one of my rare leavings of the house. My first proper one in ages (literally months) as it turns out they had changed it into a telephone consolation but had failed to tell me, which was rather irksome. So I had a phone consolation sitting in the waiting room. The upshot of which is they are going to try and increase the dosage of one of my drugs (the last one that isn't at it's full dosage already). And see if it helps. I'm also going to have an other MRI to monitor my hpyacampi if they are course of my problems then there isn't much that can be done and I'll just have to learn to live with it. 

So all in all neither a positive or a negative meeting. 

In my real life (if you can put it that way) I've left twitter but much of my life was on-line but twitter was just making me depressed. I've kept in contact with a couple of friends I made there espically with one called Laura. Some Twitter friends are real friends. And I think all in all my descision to leave was the right one for me. 

Panda is now very settled in, and much more demanding which is good. A bit irrating but he's so sweet he can get away with it. Do wish he would pee on the floor so much. 

And already (somehow) the High Holy Days are drawing near.

Well that's brought things up to date. 

A Time of Reflection

Covid-19 and Anniversaries

This time of year is always one of reflection for me because it is so filled with anniversaries. Some happy, and some (shall we say less so). On Wednesday the 1st of July it will be a full six years since my first big seizure (one change is that I can now spell seizure, this is a joke by the way so you're allowed to laugh).

But mainly the changes have all been physical. I tire so very easily and indeed I need to have a sleep mid-afternoon almost everyday and if for some reason I have to skip a day then I'm going to be very adversely effected the following day to the point where I will be unable to do anything. 

My memory is still shot to pieces, which also makes functioning very difficult. I write everything down and I mean everything but even so getting by is hard. Remember to do all the little (and not so little things I need to do) and then remembering what I've done. Both in an administive sense but also an autobiographical one. Lot's of things go, maybe most things things aren't fully intact until 2010, which is now getting to be a very long time ago. 

But I have now accepted that I'm not going back to the Old-Adam, but I probably said that last year it's a slow process. 

But the new-(ish) problems arising from my Seizure and Epilepsy et al combined with my old problems because of Neurofibromatosis  do make me anxious for my future.  

On a more positive note Friday (the 3rd) is the 3rd anniversary of getting Olive and she has brought a lot of happiness to Emily, Renee and my lives. Even if she can be rather demanding at times. 

But I have my own cat now, Panda who is not without his own demands.  Indeed I had to stop typing this to go prevent him peeing on the floor. Cats! 

But he's a lovely chap. 

There are some other anniversaries as well. But the big one is on Sunday July 5th. 5 years since ordination and of course 10 since starting this whole journey and of meeting Emily. 

In the outside world. Covid-19 is still sweeping the world and the UK and I've been in basically total self-isolation, I see Emily and Renee but even there I'm careful not to make physical contact. 

Mum has also been isolating but I've been Zooming with her every day for a chat and to study the weekly Torah reading.  Then of course there is my weekly Talmud Study with Tina.  As her girls were home from school I got to 'meet' them, they're lovely and they got to meet Panda. They were very taken with him. 

So even during Lock-down I've been far from lonely. If anything I've been more sociable than normal. 

Well that's brought us up to date

Lock Down Continues.

Because of Covid-19 I am still under lock down which has now been going on for quite some time. Weeks in fact. I have barely left the flat. And I mean barely. Once or twice to get some fresh air by sitting on the front drive and for a couple of late night walks when the chances of meeting anyone else were really small.

I have even been careful not to come into contact with Either Emily or Renee. But oddly I have, if anything, been more soicially active than normal. Albeit via Zoom. I talk with mum every day we study the Torah reading for that day. And at the weekend Mum, Rebecca, Aaron, Said, Solomon and I all Zoom together. Of course I have my once a week study with Tina, and now Francesca who. So I'm getting lots of Talmud and company with friends and family.  Studying with Tina from her home I've got to meet her little girls who are adorable and are really taken with Panda, well who wouldn't be!

I was searching for some piece of info in my emails and discovered that Thursday (it's now Saturday) was 10 years since my and Emily's very first email exchange.

Panda is still delighted to have so much of me. 24/7 so he's a very happy cat. On Tuesday I had a long conversation (think 2.5 hours) with someone I might being set up with. It felt really natural so I'm hopeful it might lead somewhere.

Well that's brought things up to date. Not much has happened but given the circumstances not much can.

Taste of Limmud.

This is a link to my taste of Limmud for Shemini. Hope you like it.

https://mailchi.mp/78eea780d5c5/limmud-on-one-leg-shemini-5780?e=7ab33854ca

On Lock-Down

Because of the Coronavirus I along with lots of the UK am on lock-down the situation is very serious as its already killed a lot of people here in the UK and many many more worldwide. So because of my now many underlying health conditions I'm self-isolating in my flat so basically just me and Panda although I see quite a bit of Emily and Renee we are taking care not to come into contact with each other.
The world already feels like a very different place, both here and all over indeed I am told that the enviromental impact can already be felt as can a return to nature in that animals are returning to places they haven't been for a long time.  It's sobering to realise quite how speedily the planet would be reclaimed if we disappeared.
Emily is very stressed because of the people who are dying at EHDRS as well as all the pastoral care she is having to do. Indeed her colleague has died which is destressing for everyone.

One effect of the whole CV thing is it has prompted me to really make an effort to speak with Rebecca so we have had a couple of really long conversations. I've also been in contact with Helen and Rosie. All four of us are going to try and have a Zoom together.  Additionally I've been phone mum every day. We study that day's section of the Torah reading this gives a nice structure and its also good because mum's in isolation as well. 

I've also had a lovely long chat with Anika, and with Sarah. So it's really been a time of re-connection with friends and family and all it took was a pandemic.  But it's brought things into focus and shown me what's important.

My regular weekly Talmud study and chat with Tina continues which is also a bright spot in my day. So thanks to elecetronic media I am being fairly sociable and I am not to destressed although I am a little.

On a different note Matt interviewed me for a project he's doing on the Golden Rule. And I've written a Taste of Limmud (to be published soon).

And that I think brings you mostly up to date.